I never thought I would say so, but abusive language has one relatively “good” thing about it. The target
at least knows he has been disrespected (or dissed as the younger set says). By contrast, when people use
ordinary language to exploit you, it’s just as disrespectful, and is an insult to your intelligence, but it is not
so obvious you are being had.
For example, in 2005 a letter urging elimination of the estate tax came across my desk. It described senators
opposed to the proposal as “hiding behind the budget deficit as an excuse” and said we must pressure these
senators “to do the right thing.” In using the terms hiding and excuse, the writer attributes insincere motives
to the opponents. “Pressure them to do the right thing” impugns their characters and implies they want to do
the wrong thing.
I used the reply envelope to inform the senders that I would not support their efforts because they had given
me no legitimate reason to do so. Oh, they had mentioned in passing some dubious and unsupported claims
related to the issue, but their main message was, in effect, “Help us overcome these wicked people who oppose
us.”
That’s what pejorative language does: it tells you how to react to a person or thing without providing a reasoned
basis for the reaction. As such, it is essentially disreputable and, yes, abusive. Now, please stick with me a moment
here because this stunt is common and can cause serious consequences.
I borrow from George Bernard Shaw for an example. Referring to persons who are showing comparable
commitment to an idea or cause, one might say:
I am determined.
You are stubborn.
He is pig-headed
The point is that one may use either favorable or insulting words to describe exactly the same thing. Perhaps
a few more examples will help clarify this tactic and show how common it can be.
● I am frugal, you are stingy, he is a cheapskate.
● I am spontaneous, you are disorganized, he is a loose cannon.
● I dress casually, you dress down, he is a slob.
● I am outgoing, you are too extroverted, he is a showoff.
● I am confident, you are too assertive, he is pushy.
● I accommodate my wife, you indulge yours, he is henpecked.
● I know how to relax, you are too laid back, he is lazy.
If you don’t want to be snookered, whether in politics or marketing or religion or any other field, be on the watch
for pejorative language. Realize that it really tells you nothing about an issue or about a person to whom it refers,
so don’t fall into the trap. Pejoratives do, however, offer you some insight into those who use them. Such people
feel negatively toward the subject and they want to transfer those bad feelings to you, but they don’t provide
credible evidence to justify those feelings.
If you fall for these tactics, then you well may replicate them and become a fervent advocate for causes you know
little about. Or you may fervently oppose someone who does not merit your anger. This way comes bigotry,
prejudice, and hatred.
Give Me Some Facts
In March of 2006, the State of South Dakota outlawed abortion except to save the life of the mother. Soon the
Portland newspaper The Oregonian editorialized about that action by the elected legislature and Governor of
South Dakota as follows: “The backers of South Dakota’s abortion ban say they’re motivated by a deep respect
for human life. They are lying.”
On March 10, I sent the following letter to the editor:
I see from the editorial in The Oregonian, Thursday, March 9, that the legislature and Governor of South
Dakota were “lying” about their reasons for passing an abortion ban. You don’t say they are wrong or
misguided or unwise; you judge them liars.How do you know they are lying? How do you know
their true heart convictions? You don’t know and can’t know. You offer not one shred of evidence
to back up that charge. Yet you tell all your subscribers that they are liars. Your editorial tells me
nothing about the government of the State of South Dakota, but it does tell me something about
you. You are ready and willing to be abusive toward those who dare to disagree with you.
My letter was chosen by the editor to go unpublished.
Homosexuality offers another case in point. The United Church of Christ is “welcoming” to gays. Not
content to simply say so, they aired an advertisement on national TV showing people being turned
away from other churches but welcomed by them. This was slander. A church that would turn away
gays from a worship service is as rare as an atheist in an evangelical pulpit. Two of the major
television networks had more sense of civility than to air the ad and it was soon pulled entirely.
Newspaper columnist Leonard Pitts wrote a column in defense of the ad. In response, I sent him the
following message (December 1, 2004):
Dear Mr. Pitts:
I have a problem with your advocacy of the UCC ad depicting itself as the (only) welcoming church. I especially
disagree with your statement that the ad "is accurate in its portrayal of church exclusion." It is not accurate. It is
a slander. Why didn't the UCC simply affirm its openness? Why contrast itself with other churches? The implied
message is that "we are wonderful (if not particularly humble or gracious!), and other churches are bad, hateful
people." Few churches of any denomination exclude anyone from worship. They might not agree with their
behavior, might not therefore extend their approval, but they don't exclude them from attending a service,
as the ad shows. There must be some behavior you yourself think morally objectionable. To say so is simply
to be true to your convictions. How about we let people who disapprove of homosexual behavior be true to theirs?
I never got any response from Mr. Pitts, but clearly he did not embrace my admonition. Two years
later he wrote a column even more vitriolic. Again. I wrote him a letter:
Dear Mr. Pitts:
I write in connection with your column in The Oregonian of Monday, March 13, 2006. It's entitled:
"So Quoth the Hypocrite." In the column you use pejoratives to castigate a high school teacher for "invoking Sodom
and Gomorrah" in telling students that homosexuality is wrong. You apply the following pejoratives directly
or indirectly to the anti-gay teacher: sanctimonious, stupid, moral hypocrisy, intellectual constipation,
homophobia. Do you think it's fair to judge someone on the basis of your speculation (which you admit it is)
about their understanding of the Bible? Do you think it is appropriate to attack someone because they disagree
with you on an issue? I intend to publish this letter in my book on civility, and I will include your response, if any.
Again, Mr. Pitts did not respond.
Who Is The Abuser?
Contrast the tone and content of the examples cited above with the following from John Huffman, Pastor
of the 4500-member St. Andrews Presbyterian Church, Newport Beach, California:
“Those of us who are evangelical Christians with a strong commitment to the truths of scripture need to be
especially aware of what kind of sounds we make in the public square. The mark of the Christian is love. On
the other hand, I find myself so disappointed by some who, in their endeavor to be loving, have traded in
the historic truths of our faith for what sounds like an accommodation to the political correctness of our day.
"I have found this especially true in the human sexuality debate. I have no desire to pick on this one particular
sin. Yet the culture raises it and some demand we declare that what the Bible calls sin is no longer sin. Because
I do not accommodate to the shifting values of our day, some even within the Christian community label me
homophobic. My tendency is to want to strike back, beaten up as I have been for over 35 years in this
ongoing debate. At times I find myself walking under suspicion both by those to the left of me, who want
me to endorse lifestyles that are antithetical to God's Word, and those on the right of me, who seem to be
convinced that the very civility of my utterances connotes compromise of truth. My prayer for myself and
all of us who love Christ is that we will, with God's help, maintain both faithfulness and a civil discourse marked
by verbal and nonverbal loving expression.”
Don’t Miss the Point!
Abortion and homosexuality are highly charged issues in our society. As with other controversial matters I
have touched on in this book, there is a danger that you may get caught up in the issue involved, when, I am
speaking to the methods used, not to what the correct opinion is. When a person’s methods are wrong—and
especially when they are morally wrong—his arguments on the issues are so suspect as to be essentially useless
unless confirmed by a better source. Of course, there is a chance that a person may be right on an issue even
though his methods are reprehensible. How sad when truth is thus wounded in the house of its friends!
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Get this Book! A Funny Thing Happened on My Way To Save Civilization will help you to:
1. Understand how your unkind words (such as name-calling) can injure others and make you look like a jerk.
2. Get great pleasure from humor without wounding others. Be healthy enough to poke fun at yourself. 3. Make your home a happy place. Treat your family members--your children, your spouse, your parents, your siblings with respect.
4. Be emotionally strong and spiritually healthy enough to become a happy giver, not a miserable taker. 5. Recognize boundaries. Stop futile and hurtful attempts to control the behavior of others. 6. See and reject tendencies in yourself to be arrogant and self-righteous. 7. Take responsibility for your own attitudes and actions rather than major on what's wrong with others. 8. See people as human beings with their own personal hurts and hopes, not just in terms of what they may be able to do for you.
9. Get perspective on issues (such as justice versus forgiveness) without judging everything in terms of how it affects you. 10. Stand for principles without distorting the actions and words of those who differ and without demonizing them. 11. Be honest with yourself. In the process, develop discernment about religious, political, and commercial claims that are often deceptive. |
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With self-deprecating wit, Stanley Baldwin demonstrates how easy it is for our words and attitudes
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CONTENTS:
I Learn Not To Be a Total Jerk
What’s Funny and What’s Not
Save Civilization? Start at Home
The First Ride in the Wagon
The Ox and the Ass
I Decide To Join the Human Race
The Face in the Mirror
The Invisible and The Blind
The Pope and the Dictator
Toward a Kinder, Gentler World
Snookered
Found: The Cure for Cruelty
Contributors:
Lee Hamilton, co-chairman of the 9/11 Commission and the Iraq Study Group
John Huffman, pastor of St. Andrews Presbyterian Church, Newport Beach, CA
Frederica Mathewes-Green, columnist and author.
Adele Hooker, poet, author.
Jerry Cook, Author, Love, Acceptance and Forgiveness
Copyright, 2007, Stanley C. Baldwin